Reps Over Rumination
Mettle Memo #46: Reps Over Rumination, Presence Before Performance, MEALS AND MACROS, TRAINING
OVERVIEW
What’s up, team! Welcome to THE METTLE MEMO #46.
TODAY’S TOPICS INCLUDE:
1) LESSON LEARNED: Reps Over Rumination
2) TIP OF THE WEEK: Presence Before Performance
3) WHAT I AM EATING (Meals & Macros)
4) TRAINING/WORKOUTS: London and Tokyo Marathon Prep
If you’d rather watch or listen:
YouTube version of this memo: YOUTUBE
Podcast version: PODCAST
Want my weekly training plan?
Every week I send a Mettle Weekly Training Plan to paid members:
Full 7-day layout (strength, conditioning, endurance, recovery)
PDF you can save or print
Adjustments for busy weeks & injury comebacks
One mindset focus to keep your head straight while you train
Community to rely on
If my free stuff helps you, this is where we actually train together with a clear plan.
1:1 Coaching
I have opened up applications for 1 on 1 personal coaching and programming. If you are interested in a full workout plan for 12 weeks and nutrition plan, please check out the link below!
LESSON LEARNED
TLDR
In college, I watched a mentor named Tuna walk down a main street of 20,000 students like he belonged there.
When I asked how he did it, he didn’t give me a personality answer.
He gave me a practice answer:
“Start by talking to people.”
The real breakthrough wasn’t learning the perfect thing to say.
It was learning how to shift attention outward — from self-monitoring to service.
Confidence isn’t a feeling. It’s reps.
And five years from now, you’ll either have the reps… or you’ll still be negotiating the same fear.
Reps Over Rumination
The Day Tuna Taught Me Confidence (Without Teaching Confidence)
I was walking down the main street of my college — university for my European friends — with someone a couple years older than me.
A mentor type.
We called him Tuna.
Tuna was the kind of guy who made the world feel lighter.
Jovial. Charming. Comfortable in his own skin.
And as we walked, it was constant.
“Hi Tuna!”
“What’s up Tuna!”
“Tuna!”
Every ten steps, another person.
And it wasn’t one kind of person.
The baristas at the coffee shop who were also students trying to pay rent.
Leaders of clubs and organizations.
Random people I’d never seen before.
People who clearly had a history with him.
People who looked like they were barely getting through the week.
This school had 20,000 people.
And somehow… everyone knew him.
So I asked him the question I was pretending I didn’t care about:
“How do you do that?”
He looked at me like I’d asked how to blink.
“Do what?”
“How do you get so many people to like you? How does everyone know you?”
He didn’t pause to craft something clever.
He said:
“Start by talking to people.”
That was it.
No hack.
No secret.
Just reps.
Then he added the part that stuck with me:
He said everyone on that street had a role.
The barista isn’t “a barista.”
She’s a student paying rent.
The landscaper isn’t “background.”
He’s holding the place together.
The club leader isn’t “a person you should impress.”
They’re carrying something they care about.
And the common theme wasn’t status.
It was this:
Treat everyone the same at first.
Same baseline respect.
Same humanity.
Same simple hello.
And that’s when I felt it.
Nervousness.
Which didn’t make sense.
I thought of myself as a great public speaker.
I could handle a room.
But the thought of randomly saying hi to strangers?
That was… nerve racking.
And I remember having this honest moment with myself:
Why?
I wasn’t threatening.
I wasn’t intimidating.
I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
So what was I afraid of?
Rejection?
That a stranger would yell, “NO!”
“Get out of here!”
“Leave me alone!”
No.
The fear wasn’t danger.
The fear was embarrassment.
The fear of looking awkward.
The fear of not knowing what to say.
The fear of being ignored.
The fear of being seen trying.
And Tuna could tell.
So he didn’t give me confidence advice.
He gave me an assignment.
The Coffee Shop Rep
He said, “Let’s go to this coffee shop.”
Then he told me:
“I want you to ask the cashier three questions after you order your coffee.”
Three questions?
Easy.
Until we walked in.
As we got closer to the counter, my mind started doing that thing it does when it wants to protect you:
What do I ask?
What if she’s busy?
What if I bother her?
What if this is weird?
And here’s the part I’ll admit:
I suddenly couldn’t think of anything to ask.
Not because I’m stupid.
Because nerves shrink you.
They make you self-centered — not in a selfish way, in a survival way.
When you’re nervous, you’re not curious.
You’re monitoring yourself.
Tuna leaned in and said one sentence that changed everything I know about communication:
“STOP thinking of yourself. Think about them.”
Not “be confident.”
Not “be smooth.”
Think about them.
So I ordered my coffee.
Then I tried.
“How are you today?”
“Fine.”
“Do you go to school here?”
“Yes.”
It felt like pulling teeth.
And I could feel myself tightening — trying to get the interaction “right,” trying to avoid awkwardness, trying to control the outcome.
Then I asked a better question:
“What has been the highlight of your day so far?”
Boom.
Her face went dull for a second — not annoyed, just thinking — like she hadn’t been asked that in a while.
Then it lit up.
She said:
“Well, I got to kiss my daughter goodbye this morning. And she always smiles and says ‘I love you.’ That was the highlight.”
And right there, something snapped into place for me.
She wasn’t “the cashier.”
She was a mother.
With a daughter.
With a life.
And the weird part?
My nerves disappeared.
Not because I became confident.
Because I stopped thinking about myself.
I asked more questions.
How old is your daughter?
Then I looked at her name tag.
“Marlene?”
And I said something that surprised even me:
“Marlene… does she know her mom has beautiful eyes?”
And in my head I had this moment of disbelief:
Oh… I’m getting the hang of this.
Tuna laughed.
Like he’d been waiting for that.
He stepped in and ended it cleanly:
“Alright, that’s enough. I’ll take a flat white with regular milk.”
We walked out.
And I felt like I had “nailed it.”
Tuna asked:
“What did you learn?”
I said:
“Think of her. Ask her questions.”
He said:
“That’s exactly right. Most people love to talk about themselves.”
And that shaped everything I know today about communication.
What I Was Really Afraid Of
Looking back, I wasn’t afraid of strangers.
I was afraid of self-exposure.
Because social nervousness isn’t always fear of people.
It’s often fear of what you will feel about yourself if the moment doesn’t go perfectly.
It’s the addiction to self-monitoring:
What do I say?
Was that dumb?
Do they like me?
What if this is awkward?
That loop feels like “being careful.”
But it quietly turns you inward.
And when you’re stuck inward, you can’t connect outward.
Tuna didn’t give me a trick.
He gave me a principle:
Service kills self-consciousness.
When you genuinely focus on someone else — not as a tactic, but as real respect — anxiety loses its fuel.
That’s why the old rules work:
Become genuinely interested in other people
Smile
Remember their name
Be a good listener
Encourage others to talk about themselves
Make people feel important and do it sincerely
Not because it’s manipulation.
Because it’s attention.
And attention is rare.
The Future Cost (And The 90-Day Upside)
Here’s the hard truth:
If you don’t practice this, you won’t magically wake up confident five years from now.
You’ll still be asking the same question:
“Why isn’t this working?”
Still nervous in elevators.
Still quiet at dinner parties.
Still watching your world stay small.
But if you start today — and commit to 90 days of reps — everything changes.
You stop needing a script because you’ve built instinct.
You stop panicking because you’ve built proof.
You stop wondering who you could be because you’ve practiced being him.
And this is where training ties in for me now.
Back then, I had Tuna beside me.
Now I don’t.
Now it’s my own posture.
My own breath.
My own presence.
When you feel good inside and out — when you respect your body and your discipline — you carry yourself differently.
People can sense when you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Not because you’re performing confidence.
Because you’re not hiding.
That’s the goal.
Not “be fearless.”
Be practiced.
Every week, paid members receive the Mettle Weekly Training Plan: a complete 7-day layout (strength, conditioning, endurance, recovery), real-world adjustments for busy weeks or injury comebacks, and one mindset focus to anchor your training.
The free memo is where I share the lesson.
The paid memo is where we turn it into your actual week.
TIP THIS WEEK
Tip This Week: Presence Before Performance
The Pre-Conversation Reset (So You Don’t Enter Interactions Already Nervous)
Most people think confidence starts with the words.
It usually starts before the words.
It starts in your body.
So this week’s operating rule is simple:
Regulate first. Then connect.
No rushed energy. No apologetic posture.
Here’s the framework I’m using.
1) Drop the shoulders
If your shoulders are up, your nervous system is already saying “threat.”
Shoulders down.
Jaw unclenched.
Eyes up.
2) Three long exhales
Not a breathing session.
A reset.
Three slow exhales tells your body: “We’re safe.”
3) Choose service, not performance
Say this internally before you speak:
“My job is to make this person feel seen.”
That one line removes the spotlight from you.
4) Then speak
Don’t wait for confidence.
Confidence shows up after you act.
Practical tip for this week
Tonight, take 5 minutes and do this in your notes app:
Write down 7 places you’ll be around strangers this week (elevator, coffee shop, gym, sidewalk, store).
Next to each one, write: “Pre-Conversation Reset.”
Set one rule for “nerves” (example: “If I feel tension, I exhale three times and speak anyway.”)
That’s what it looks like to build social confidence like fitness:
small reps, done daily, until it becomes identity.
WHAT I AM EATING
Below are some pictures and macros of food I enjoyed cooking/eating from the past week.
Sirloin Steak, Japanese Sweet Potato, Baby Gem lettuce salad
Approx. Macros:
Calories: ~427
Protein: 36g
Fat: 10g
Net Carbs: 42g
Taco Kebabs with Chipotle Crema and Pico de Gallo
Approx. Macros:
Calories: ~356
Protein: 26g
Fat: 23g
Net Carbs: 12g
Tilapia, Tomatoes with Capers, Brown Rice
Approx. Macros:
Calories: ~406
Protein: 35g
Fat: 11g
Net Carbs: 39g
HOW I AM TRAINING
Tokyo is 10 days out! London is 9 weeks out.
Last week, Deload week. WEEKLY BREAKDOWN:
Monday:
Full Rest Day, Sauna and Cold Plunge
Tuesday:
Run: 6 miles easy.
STRENGTH: Upper Body Strength
Wednesday:
STRENGTH: Leg Strength Day & Run Specific Strength
Thursday:
Run: 5 miles easy.
STRENGTH: Upper Body Strength
Friday:
STRENGTH: Lower Day with emphasis on Posterior chain
Saturday:
Run: 6 miles easy
Sunday:
Run: 13.1 miles (very easy)
TOTAL RUNNING MILES: ~30 miles
TOTAL STRENGTH TIME: ~4ish hours
LIFTING: METTLE WEEKLY TRAINING PLAN
The METTLE WEEKLY TRAINING program, will be the go-to every day training broken into 4-6 week segments. This will be provided weekly to everyone who is a paid subscriber to the METTLE CLUB Substack.
This program focuses on gaining muscle via progressive overload over 4-6 weeks, cardio sessions incorporated, and some spicy workouts to keep it interesting (ie Circuits).
If you want to go deeper or support my work, here are a few ways to plug in:
OTHER TRAINING PROGRAMS
WHAT I’M USING RIGHT NOW
ARCHIVES (Readers Favorites)
OTHER TRAINING PROGRAMS
If you want a structured plan outside the weekly Substack:
1) 12-week Hybrid Athlete Training Program
USE CODE: “MEMO” for 20% off!
All Programs: TRAINING PROGRAMS
WHAT I’M USING RIGHT NOW
Supplements - Transparent Labs
Whey Protein - Chocolate Chip Banana Bread
Creatine HMB - Orange Flavor
Vitamin D3K2
Discount code “Winarick” for 20% off
Non-caffeine energy & appetite control – Ketones
→ LINK: KETONES 30% off when you subscribe
Training gear – Ten Thousand
→ LINK: TenThousand Durable training gear that doesn’t smell, lasts forever, and is actually comfortable.
In case you missed it (reader favorites)::